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That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.