Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.