Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.