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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.