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Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.