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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
is available for rebound sex.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.