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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Iām not crazy just the voices are!
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?