Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
facebooked yo mama!!!
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”