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My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment