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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!