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I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?