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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.