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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.