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My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.