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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.