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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?