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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!