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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?