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Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.