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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.