Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.