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The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.