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I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
They say women only use 10% of their anger
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"