Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.