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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.