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My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Remember when the world ended last year?
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Ride me like you stole me.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.