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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?