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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, Iām really disappointed with Bill Gates.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.