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Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
morning i hate girls evening i need girls