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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D