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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.