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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
I only accept apologies in cash.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I have nothing!
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.