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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.