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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.