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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?