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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.