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Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.