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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
If Iām going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then Iām going to need a bigger rug.