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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!