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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.