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It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.