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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)