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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?