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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…