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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Attention fuels immaturity
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside