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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.