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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."