Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that Iām still not a real adult.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.