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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?