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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I think I may be getting harder to love.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.