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It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.