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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
I want to sleep tighter
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.