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Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.