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You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!