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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"