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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.