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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.