Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.