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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
No one has ever been in an empty room.