Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
They should make Vodka ChapStick
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?