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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.