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Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
This status has been censored by Facebook
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.