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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!