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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
āIā before āEā especially after āPā. Mmmm pie
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.