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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
This day needs more yesterday.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.