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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.