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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.