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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis