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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
My life coach just benched me.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.