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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."