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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.